Dealing with Defeat

We have all been there, that moment when you lose a big game or didn't get what you hoped for. You may feel a knot in your stomach, maybe you want to cry, maybe you are pissed, or maybe you just shut down. All these responses are quite typical and actually normal. As an athlete we have a need to feel competent and always at our best. When something happens to lessen either or both happen we can experience a variety of emotions and feelings ranging from anger to sadness to depressed. Over time depending on the degree of defeat you experienced, the following hours or days can feel like a roller coaster. One minute you think you are fine and the next the feelings and thoughts can overwhelm you. So, how do you deal with this?

For many athletes this is the million dollar question. How do I quickly but effectively get over my defeat. Quite simply there are two paths, helpful or non-helpful. You have the power to choose how you deal with the defeat. Many times athletes often experience a sense of powerlessness and if they can get that back they will have a much easier time taking control of their response. Going back to the choices, first let's discuss the non-helpful path. This path includes the doubts, critics, questioning. Examples I have heard include, I will never get over this, I won't ever be good enough and the always presents "what if's". The simple way to know whether what you are thinking is helping or hurting you is to ask yourself what you feel like after. Do you feel worse? Then it is not helping you move forward. The other path is the helping path. The key here is being able analyze and learn from what happened. Critique only what you know you control and will be able to work on. Keeping a journal of what you learned and will work on in the future will help you be able to move past the defeat as well. By choosing this path it will help you feel more positive and productive about your future performances or life situations. Instead of getting stuck in a negative circle, you can break free when you take control and decide that I am going to view my defeats differently.